Stand up to intimate partner violence

Learn safe ways to stop violence & support victims

Would you help someone in trouble? Most of us believe we would. But in reality, many people don’t act when they see intimate partner violence (IPV) happen in public. This can happen for lots of reasons. Violence can be unexpected and scary. It can also be hard to recognize when it happens in a busy environment. And then there’s something called the bystander effect…

The bystander effect is when we see a person in need and decide not to help, because we think someone else will. We may think “it’s not my business” or “someone else can handle this better.” Unfortunately, the bystander effect makes it easier for intimate partner violence to happen.

One person standing up to violence can make a big difference. For example, we’ve often heard from survivors that they wish a neighbour would have called the police when they overheard shouting, fighting and objects smashing. And when one person makes a stand, others often follow. That’s why it’s so important to (safely) take action against IPV when we see it.

Take a stand using the 5 D’s

Direct

Confront the person who is being violent if you feel it’s safe enough. Being direct with a violent person can be dangerous, so speak calmly and keep it brief. Avoid being drawn into an argument — remember your aim is to stay safe and stop the violence if possible. You could say something like:

“Hey, what’s happening here?”
“This is not ok.”
“You need to stop.”

If you hear screaming or a warning sign from a house, consider calling the emergency services. Ringing the doorbell may distract the person who is being violent and buy some time for things to settle down.

If you start feeling unsafe, leave immediately or call for help.

Distract

If you’re not comfortable confronting the violent person, you can try to distract them. For example, you could ask for directions or pretend you know the victim and start talking to them. If your aim is to distract, avoid talking about the violence.

Delegate

If you feel unsafe or can’t deal with the situation by yourself, look for someone who could help you. Make sure the person can and wants to help. Explain as clearly as possible what’s happening and how you’d like them to help. You could also contact the emergency services or a local support organization.

Delay

You can’t always help during the violence. It may feel too dangerous or happen too quickly for you to react. But you can still help the victim afterwards! You could:

Ask them if they’re ok and if they want to talk about it
Validate them by saying you saw what happened and that it wasn’t ok
Help them calm down by sitting or walking with them — check if they prefer silence or conversation
Offer to help them contact support services or report the violence to the police

Document

It can be useful to take a photo or video of the violence. This can serve as information or evidence, for example if you report the violence to the police. Never livestream or share it online.

Tips for using the 5 D’s

Your safety comes first.

If you think acting would put you in danger, leave and get help.

You can mix the D’s

For example, you could move away while also recording with your phone.

Check how you’re feeling.

Leave or get help if you start feeling unsafe, upset, or like it’s too much.

What if intimate partner violence is happening to me?

You’re not alone. There are many support services available to help you if you’re being harmed by your partner, including:

What is See It, Name It, Change It?

See It, Name It, Change It (SINICI) is an educational campaign that aims to create a safer community for all. It’s led by Ottawa Victim Services, a not-for-profit organization supporting the local community since 1998. The campaign was launched in response to the increasing intimate partner violence in Ottawa.